Take Friday evening for instance. The hubby, pup, and I were laying in bed, watching the Olympics after a long day of work and for some reason I burst into tears! My dear husband asked what was wrong and that just opened the flood gates!
I was feeling like a failure in certain aspects of my life, the first one being a wife! I failed to cook dinner ALL last week. I swear I think I should've been a wife in the 50's and 60's. No, I don't think, I, as a wife, have to have dinner on the table EVERY night, but it is something I strive to do more during the week than not. I like when Todd helps in the kitchen, but being that I am the one who knows my way around the kitchen, it's my duty to feed my husband, and to feed him well. I failed miserably at this last week and we ate fast food and take out all week! GROSS. Not to mention, I bought lunch every day too. Sad.
Then that lead me to the condition of our home! I needed to vacuum. There were shoes strewn all over the living room floor. The clothes were piling up on the bedroom floor upstairs and not making it IN the dirty hamper. We still had two suitcases from previous trips that had not been fully unpacked. Clutter EVERYWHERE! I couldn't help but be ashamed that I couldn't even pick up a pair of shoes or throw a load of laundry in the wash. And while we both have been at fault for the insides of our home, once again I felt it is more my job as a wife to take care of our home.
Theeeeeen, I realized how unmotivated I have been with not only cooking and cleaning but taking care of myself! I have never been more disgusted with my body! I have gained 15 to 20 pounds since our wedding last summer! I looked at a photo that night and could see my entire collar bone! That was the first and the last time I've seen it so pronounced. It was beautiful! I want it back! How I have let myself get to this point I don't know. I hate looking at myself in the mirror before getting into the shower, I usually can't stand the way I look before I walk out the door to go out in public, and I definitely can't stand trying on new clothes. I just feel gross, jiggly, and unfit. How my husband loves all of my body is beyond me. I want to love my body I just don't know how to get to that point. I know, I know, I need to work out and eat better but when you are completely unmotivated how do you do that? I LOVE food, bad food, fast food, fried food, pasta, all things southern and I know I have to get rid of a lot of that in my diet! It's just crazy hard. I've never loved my body, I've never been happy with it, ever since I was little. I ALWAYS had a gut and it was ALWAYS hard to deal with when all of my friends had flat tummies. No, I've never been what most considered "fat" but not having a flat tummy has always bothered me and I swear to you, NO AMOUNT of crunches or situps has EVER helped it! Trust me, I used to spend countless hours doing them without ANY progress. So while I know some folks will have posts explaining that I need to do some core exercises, please save it, because I do already know that.
Of course the hubby consoled me and made me feel a wee bit better, but he also promised to motivate me more and help out more as well. He even got started Saturday as he suggested I walk the dog while he went for a run! Soooo, I did, and he did the same thing Sunday evening as well! Then tonight I made it to the gym and attended my first Zumba class! Holy crap, I am one uncoordinated gal and it totally kicked my butt AND I LOVED IT! It felt great to sweat and feel like I was doing something good for myself! Not to mention I came home to dinner being ready! The hubs and I discussed that he could prepare easy meals on the evenings I want to attend the gym. I think this can really work, I certainly hope it does!
I know these things seem minute in the grand scheme of life, but for me and my life, there is no worse feeling than feeling like I cant take care of my family or myself. I've meal planned this week, I've picked up parts of the house and made a list of little chores that need to be completed, and I've promised myself to go to the gym one to two times a week. I'm started the gym goal low, so I don't set myself so high that I actually quit. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself so if I can start small I have a smaller chance of failing and being disappointed. I want to be the best wife possible! I want to take care of and spoil my husband and I want to make sure that he has a wife who takes care of herself. To me, it's the least I can do for all he does for me!
I'm feeling better about things since Friday night, but I know I have a long road a head of me, especially with my body issues. I know I'm not a lone. Many woman are not happy with their bodies and if this post makes someone feel "normal" about their personal feelings with themselves, well then this post has done its job!
Hope you all had a great start to your Monday!!! I'm feeling quite accomplished!
XoXo,
ha! wow you hit it home with this one! I had one of these breakdowns last night over our hosuse and my body! My house has never looked like it does currently. So much needs to be done. And the body image I think because I have somewhat been trying to do better I know it doesn't happen over night but you just feel discouraged when you try an you seem like it is for nothing. Thanks for you honesty!
ReplyDeleteGreat post. No matter what other people say about the way you look,it's really only how you feel about you that matters. It looks like you are on the right track! :-) You can do it!!
ReplyDeleteBless your heart, here's a virtual hug! Don't be so hard on yourself! You've got it going on--what's important is that you recognize whatever you're not liking and change it. You're doing that;) Happy Tuesday friend!
ReplyDeleteGirl, you are not alone. I struggle with all of the above on a daily basis. I am no housewife and I hate that bc my Mom and Sister are perfect at it! And as far as motivation to work out, when you find some, send it on down to Mississippi. We will get better with time. Don't you even worry about it!
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read your blog I feel like you take to words right out of my mouth. And it is nice to know that you are not the only one thinking about it. Gosh, I need major motivation! Good luck to you, and things will get better!
ReplyDeleteOh man I hear you! I have been really bad about cooking, eating well, and exercise lately and I hate it. Even if I can get past the actual "eating bad food" part, the $$$ spent on eating out really bothers me. Your new goals sound like a great starting point. I know when I make little goals like that and accomplish them, I get so excited and I become more motivated. Then I set a little bigger goal and so on and so forth.
ReplyDeleteIt drives me BONKERS that most bloggers only write about how great their lives are. I think it is dishonest. And I think those with the most perfect looking lives are usually the ones with the most problems.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Keep it up!
Aw sorry to hear you had a rough Fri night. I think we all feel that way at some point. I certainly do. I don't cook, I can but I'm horrible at it..like burning everyhting horrible. Somedays I rock and make a greta meal and others I can barely boil water for pasta. Thankfully my husband likes to cook and can cook, but it's so hard to find time because we both teach all day and i'm in school while he is coaching baseball. As for body issues and weight loss..I gained 25 pounds since my wedding 2 years ago and I feel you. Eat right, go to Zumba/ or any workout and find little ways to exercise...that's what I learned this summer :)
ReplyDeleteGIRL... Can I just copy and paste this whole post? No, seriously you took every word out of my mouth. I literally was the exact person last week. Actually, all month really. Since we moved I have no energy to un pack boxes, clean, or put dinner on the table. I feel like a horrible wife... When I see my husband in the kitchen cooking I just feel embarassed.
ReplyDeleteI started this week out good, honestly, our beach vacay helped. I needed to just get out. This week has been much better and I've started to slowly organize and pick things up from around the house. I know 100% that it's because of the stress of my job, and when I come home I'm a bitch and just want to lie on the couch.. But I had to pick myself up and get over it.
Wow, I'm writing a novel. Hah. K, I'm going to awkwardly stop writing now :)
I write her novels all the time...lol...she may be getting used to it by now...sorry Lauran!! ;)
DeleteI have similar feelings...just completely unmotivated. And when I find some motivation, something gets in the way that I have no control over...like having stitches in my back in two places right now so it's limiting my movements and what I can lift etc. I get them out next Monday, but to have stitches for 2 weeks...man talk about motivation kill (and I had just re-started my workout cause I actually had some motivation). My house is still not unpacked and all my of stuff is still elsewhere. We managed 2 beds, our night stands, one end table, washer/dryer, about 1/3 of my kitchen and one tv. The rest of the stuff is still being stored. I have no where to sit unless it's one of the beds or the floor. And we've been this way for about a month and half. My hubby doesn't have any motivation either, it's terrible.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I suggest we be motivation buddies. Whatdaya say? ;)
And PS...you don't want to do a million abdominal exercises...the ab muscles work just like every other muscle..the more repetitions you do, the bigger the muscle can get. It's cardio and eating that help with the mid-section..and don't get me wrong, having a strong core is imperative too but not doing a million abdominal exercises every time you work out.
Okay, we need to chat over the phone!!! STOP beating yourself up!!! I am 34...not SUPER old, but have been through a few more years than you. I have 2 kids and a husband and do not cook every night...nor is my house clean everyday. I also don't like the way I look...I don't think any woman does. It's OK!!!! We put waaaaaay too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and we are NOT!!!! Do what you can, when you can and focus on the things that matter most...your family and your health....because without that LIFE SUCKS even worse! Hang in there and know that you are BEAUTIFUL!!!!
ReplyDeleteShanna
Oh I know exactly how you feel. Completely. I feel like this all the time too. And bursting into tears over the condition of the house is a weekly thing for me. My house is always a complete disaster no matter how hard I try.clutter everywhere and I can't get organized. I'm in the playroom with my kids right now and if I could send you pictures of this room or even ANY room in this house you would see how terrible it is.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the weight thing, I think you are perfect but great for you for going to zumba! Are you on myfitnesspal? Sometimes that's the only way I can get motivated. I go in aand read the success stories on the forums. Those people are so inspirational. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/lifeisahighway is my account if you wanna add me and I will encourage you. I have been awful the past few weeks, barely working out, eating terribly. I also struggle with cooking at home. We have eaten out for dinner the past 3 nights. I need to get back on track as well.
So you are not alone. I completely feel the same way as you.
lover!!!! i know exactly how you feel! i think all girls go through this. its good to have a nice cry every once in awhile. and i know youre not being a bad wife, youre a busy working woman! you cant be super women! keep your head up! love you! xo Kelly
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling very much the same way. I feel like it's so easy to start feeling like you're not doing a good job as a wife when you read blogs and see on pinterest that women are blogging, cooking, diy-ing all while having the perfect body and family. It's exhausting really. Sometimes I start to feel frustrated with my hubby because I am working full time and still trying to cook, clean, do the laundry, and everything else that comes with being a good wife. I don't want to feel that way, but I can't help it sometimes. I could probably talk to you for hours about this...too bad we don't live closer! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're having a better week. Hope you have an even better weekend!
i think these things are too little to get upset about individually and that's why all of the sudden they build up to a huge deal filled with tears. This happens to me all the time! I read a quote that said "don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel" and it's so true. I feel like i am not as well dressed, successful, fit etc etc as someone else but I really don't know what sorts of things they actually feel.
ReplyDeleteYou should know I think you are incredibly beautiful, caring, and I am totally impressed by your recent meals (that bang bang shrimp?! YUM!!)
I just stumbled on to your blog today for the first time. I would like to tell you that from this first post that I have read-- You coined my exact feelings this past week. I got married in May and I at my all time high weight. I feel so pudgy and gross. I have been told that it happens to alot of newlywed girls! It makes me feel better for a few min. and then the frustration continues after I eat another cookie. Ha. Anyway, you are feeling what I am feeling! Also, I did not cool one dinner this week and have too eaten lunch out all week. Not cool.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your wisdom teeth! I will most def. visit your blog again soon.