Thursday, July 26, 2012

Why? Oh Lord Why?

Several months ago I talked myself out of writing a post about this. I felt it would be invasive, disrespectful, and a complete lack of respect for a family's privacy. I did not want to expose their business to people who did not know them personally. I felt it wasn't my place and as a person who holds respecting people extremely high, I just felt it inappropriate to speak of it.

I don't even want to write about the life altering situation that occurred yesterday and affected yet another family that I am acquainted with. However, I have so many emotions running through me right now that I can't think of ANYTHING else that I want to post about. Life is completely unfair and with these two incidents and the horrible events in Aurora I'm slowly losing my grip on my faith. 

Several months ago, an old friend of mine, who I will say I do not speak with anymore but used to be extremely close with, lost her 8 month old baby girl. I don't know the details, only hear say, and I refuse to repeat what I have heard as 1. it is not my business and 2. if I haven't heard if from my old friend herself, its not my place to share. The details don't even matter. What matters is that this sweet precious soul {who I never had a chance to meet} was taken far too early. 

When I heard about the situation, I'll be honest, I had a very hard time relating to it because I don't have a child. I've never experienced that feeling of love for your very own child, the miracle you have created. Obviously, I was heartbroken for this family but I didn't cry. I was extremely saddened but never sat and just cried over it. I did ask a lot of questions, the biggest one being WHY? Why would God take a healthy well cared for child away from her parents and her family? Why when there are abused and neglected children, still in the care of their evil undeserving parents, would God allow this to happen to a stable family? Plain and simple Why? 

I am a Christian, a born again believer. I was raised in church practically my whole life. I can't tell you the last time I regularly attended church, it's been awhile, but I am a firm believer in our Lord. I know there are reasons he does these things. I just wish we could fully understand and comprehend those reasons. Especially when it seems that a life was taken, far too early, for no reason. 

The events in Colorado last week was another mind boggling, faith questioning event. Why God?! Why would you do this to these innocent bystanders just wanting to see a movie. Why take so many young people who still had so much of a life to live?

Yesterday's event hit too close to home for me as it was something I could, without a doubt relate to. Another old friend from high school, who I kept up with through Facebook, lost her husband who was also her high school sweetheart in a car accident in our hometown. They have a beautiful one year old little girl and just finished celebrating a week long vacation this past weekend. I know, via Facebook, that they were also getting ready to move into a new home. Yet his life was taken yesterday and now his dear wife and precious baby girl have to endure this tragedy and their future life without him. I.can.not.imagine. I know what it's like to have a husband.  I know what it's like to love your other half completely. To plan a future together. To trust. To admire. To call your best friend. And to lose all of that in a blink of an eye, it sends me into a sobbing mess. 

Once again I find myself asking God why?! Why would you do this to such a wonderful young family? A hard working man supporting the love of his life and their new child?! Why would you take this child's only father away?! Why would you take this friends one true love away?! Why would you break this family's hearts?! Why would you do this to good people?! Why, Why, Why, Oh dear God WHY?! 

There are so many bad, ugly, and evil people in this world, ie. the Aurora shooter, but yet you, God, have spared that mans life... for now. Why do you allow such crazy and sick individuals to live and walk on this Earth but take the good people far too soon?! 

I know I will never get my answers for this, until I meet God myself. I just keep praying, asking for understanding, asking for peace, asking for more faith. My heart is broken for all of these families and old friends. No one should ever have to feel this pain. I know death is a part of life, something we have to learn to deal with, but not in these ways. Not in these kinds of accidents. I know each of these families are still incredibly confused and battling a daily war of emotions and questions. All I can hope for them is that they continue to pray for strength to help them through these traumatic events. I know God will supply it, he will give them peace, and strength, and an abundance of love but I don't know if these events could ever truly be understood. I don't see how. 

I don't doubt God and his plans for all of us but I do question him a lot. We are only human to do so. I just want all of these families pain to be erased, for it to disappear, and for their loved ones to return. Wishful thinking I know but if I can't understand why their worlds have been completely turned upside down, I don't see how they can understand it either. I hope in time God does show them why and I hope in time their hearts are able to heal. I can't stop praying for that and I won't stop praying for that. 

My heart is very heavy today, but this post is not about me, it's about these families being lifted up in prayer. It's about these families finding peace. It's about keeping our faith no matter how many times we ask God why. 



  1. I find myself asking God "Why" a lot of times too. It is really hard to find understanding in tragedy. My heart is heavy for you and your friends Lauran. I will keep them and you in my prayers too. Much love, Elizabeth

  2. As much as I wish I did, I don't have any answers either. All I know is you're not alone in wondering why. Aurora brought back too many painful thoughts and questions of why from Virginia tech. My thoughts are with you and your friends.

  3. Keeping you and your friends in my thoughts

  4. I think a lot of people are thinking some of the same thoughts you are, about national news and situations directly relating to them. Don't feel like you are alone.

    Our faith is tempted every minute of everyday. Because we are sinners. You have to remember that these horrible, man-driven events are not works of the Lord, but of man fueled by the devil. Fueled by evil. Whether or not we can explain why disasters happen, or deserving people die, frustrates and hinders our ability to believe.

    God is merciful. Every person that walks the earth has the beautiful gift of salvation - and though it's hard to continue to praise God sometimes, maybe because of the death of a child, the death of a loved one, we cannot question the one thing that gives life (both new and redeemed).

    Pain and suffering are the devil's work in our lives - while it's so easy to succomb (we all do at some point) God reminds us that he offers a beautiful gift through his son.

    My go-to verses during rough times are Luke 8: 22-25. Hope your heart feels better soon!!

  5. Sorry you have a heavy heart today :( It's in times of sorrow that we can lean on HIM. Instead of asking "WHY", ask yourself "Who am I to understand?" God has a plan in all of this. Every situation, every circumstance, He will work toward our good (Romans 8:28). We face trials in life not to ask why, but so we can strengthen our faith and relationship with our Creator and fully depend and trust in HIM. I will be praying for your friends!

  6. Lauran, I read this post this morning before starting my Bible study. Let me just say that I am so sorry to hear about your friends and the struggles they are having to face during this time and I hope that God will be able to use you to minister to them in this time of need. I also wanted to share something that slapped me in the face during my quiet time. I'm doing a Beth Moore study called "Looking Up" about getting through the pits in your life and today was about entrusting God with that suffering. One paragraph that really hit said, "if God allowed you to be thrown into a pit, you weren't picked on; you were picked out. God entrusted that suffering to you because He has faith in you. Live it up. All the way up."

    I just thought of you when I read that, along with its application in my own life. I'll be praying for you and your friends.


  7. What a beautiful post...i ask myself the same question. A couple of months ago, a former student of mine (I'm a teacher) passed away in a motorcycle accident and I broke down when i heard the news. I spent that night asking, "Why?" But like you said we have to trust in the Lord.

  8. beautiful post love! and I so feel ya on that...there are so many times i do not understand why & what the meaning for crap like that to makes it hard to keep the faith but i have to realize God knows whats best even if it seems so awful. praying for your you!!! xoxo Kelly

  9. Wow, what a heartbreaking post! I am so sorry for both of your friends. I often find myself questioning God in times like that too. I know many people say 'everything happens for a reason' but I can't for the life of me think of a 'reason' for something of such horror to happen to good families like that. It's a paralyzing fear for me that it will happen to someone I love. I know I can't think like that but it's so hard when you hear stories like this. Beautifully written post.

  10. I love you honey! I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now. I'm not sure why but we all go through these times where things just do not make sense. Somehow, some way it ends up for the best though. I've been through plenty of this myself and as cliche as it sounds, time really does heal all wounds. Prayers to these families! You have such a big heart!

  11. You have a beautiful heart!!! One of my childhood friends lost her husband to a car accident on ice. They had a little girl and not long after the accident she found out she was pregnant with their son. She blogged through her entire journey. I would love to pass it on. She is truly an inspiration to me. I feel like she's been through heck and back. She is one of the strongest women I know!