Positive Blah-sitive!

Yes, I made up the word Blah-sitive! Point blank I am feeling BLAAAAAH about several things right now! I've learned a lot from my sweet husband and our five and a half year relationship. One of those lessons I've learned is how to be more positive and in the last year and a half, I've really put the lesson to use. I'm finding that I am enjoying myself more and the woman I continue to become.

BUT, sometimes, you just have to rant! I feel like many blogs I read as well as Facebook friends seem to create a facade that everything is ALWAYS rainbows, butterflies, sprinkles, and sparkles! Hello, let's be realistic and honest, it's NOT! I appreciate honesty and realness, because that is how I am. I appreciate a new mom who says "Holy crap this is tough business", I appreciate a newlywed who admits that they are having a hard time juggling new responsibilities as a wife, I appreciate someone who can share that they hate their career, not to mention there are a slew of other things I think people are ashamed to talk about, and I haven't figured out why! The normal person, with a sane personality, knows life is not perfect. Life is what you make it, but there will be obstacles and challenges a long the way. How you handle them is what makes the difference but it's never ever picture perfect.

I want you to see my "Blah-sitive" side. I want you readers to know my life isn't always perfect. I want you to know what the heck is irritating the pure living snot out of me right now! I think some are borderline embarrassing, but that is why I'm doing this!

- We have ants! Most anyone in this area will say, this time of year ants seem to show up. Well yes, this may be the case, but it doesn't help the fact that I am grossed out by them and feel like I live in a dump! There is nothing more grotesque then looking down to feed the pup and ants have consumed his bowl! WTF?! There is also nothing more embarrassing {to me} then having to purchase ant traps, which is why I make the hubby get them! I hate the thought of people thinking I live in a dirty home because it is far from the case!

- I am exhausted ALL the time. Luckily, I made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow to get a full over health check and discuss some concerns I have developed as of late. I'd say since the New Year, I've noticed I have been extremely tired AND that I have not been sleeping well through the night. Obviously these go hand in hand. If I am not sleeping well I am obviously going to be tired. I knocked caffeine products out a year or so ago. So I know its not that keeping me from solid sound sleep. It is preventing me from getting a lot done. I have NO motivation what so ever. There are times when I think I'm going to fall asleep at my desk at work. And when I get home in the evening I rarely ever want to cook dinner, I have to make myself do it! I know its normal as a working wife to be tired, but being this tired? No. Something is wrong and I'm eager to get to the doctor tomorrow and hopefully gain some answers.

- I hate my job! There I said it, out loud, to people other than my husband, I HATE MY JOB! Okay, Okay, maybe it's not the actual job. I'm pretty sure it's the actual company. For the sake of breaking any social media policies of my employer I will refrain from telling you what exactly I do and who I work for. I took the job four months after graduating with my B.S. in Communication. What I do is the furthest thing away from the Communication/PR field you can get. When the opening became available, I was so eager to get out of the restaurant industry {where I served for 6 years} that I immediately took it, not thinking that maybe I should wait for something that pertained to my studies. I feel very stuck right now and frustrated more than I think anyone could quite understand. The company has so many double standards and politics. It really is an unfair type of work environment. What also frustrates me is that I paid my way through school, living on my own, working full-time, and schooling full-time and every time I write my student loan check each month, I feel like I'm pissing away money! Excuse my unladylike choice of words, but that's how it makes me feel. I feel like all the years, the time, the stress, the money, was all a waste. I've been looking elsewhere since the New Year and haven't had much luck and I feel like I'm running into dead end after dead end. Something has to give right?!?

- Having a child scares the poo out of me! While everyone around me seems to be drinking the baby water sooner rather than later, I can't help but want to stay as far away from that drinking well as I possibly can. It's not the baby part that scares me. I want nothing more than to be a mother and I've looked forward to that moment for a long time. What scares me to points that I almost hyperventilate, are the finances. I think about EVERYTHING when it comes to having a baby: furnishing a nursery and wardrobe, having all necessities the baby needs, all the medical bills for me giving birth to said baby, medical bills for baby {by the way, did you know circumcisions aren't covered by insurance anymore because it's considered cosmetic, and the price of one is CRAZY}, formula {if I'm not able to breast feed}, daycare, schooling when they reach that age, all the crap teenagers want and need, a car, college,  and so on and so on! I don't just think about the "baby" things, I think about it till the child reaches 18! I've already been told more times than I can count, that "if you wait for your finances to be just right, you'll be waiting your whole life to have a child". While that may be true, if we don't feel comfortable yet, about bringing a baby into this world, our life, and our family, then that is our choice. I want to do it the right way. Eventually, I hope, my worries will subside and we will expand our family when we are ready. For now... I'm not swimming, drinking, or cooling off anywhere near that baby well!

Wheeew! It's kind of nice to be able to share this with my readers! I hope it gives you a little bit more insight into who I am as a person and woman. If one thing, it shows that I'm honest and I don't mind letting my readers know that I have faults and insecurities and worries and stresses! Hopefully this Blah-sitive attitude will change after my doctor's visit tomorrow! I'll keep y'all updated!

For now I hope everyone enjoys this beautiful Tuesday, unfortunately I'm stuck at home sick, but at least I can get snuggles from the pupster!!

Xoxo,